Give Up
Hit me! Hit me in the belly as hard as you can, so that blood spurt out of my
mouth! Hit me! What won’t you look me in the eyes? Why won’t you hit me? You
can’t hurt me more! There’s no more pain I can feel now! Dress me in Spanish
boots, laugh, executioner, enjoy the sufferings of my flesh, listen to the sound
of the muscles tearing and bones breaking, why don’t you care? Are you so silly
and so cruel that you can’t understand I’m feeling more pain than it is
possible? Look me in the eyes and torture my flesh, it’s not painful, is it pain
at all! You know how to hurt, you’ve hurt me already – by your indifference.
Brand me, burn a beautiful flower in the place where my heart used to be, it
won’t change anything, I’ve no heart anymore. I’ve no more strength to bear it!
Ease my sufferings, hurt me... You know how to do it... Do it, do it
thoughtfully, don’t hide your eyes!
Make a thousand cuts on my body and pour boiling lead – I won’t suffer, there’s
nothing more I can suffer now. I will feel better.
The sufferings of flesh are nothing... There’s no Spanish boot over my soul. No
red-hot poker branding my mind. No boiling lead burning my cheeks and chest,
oozing from my dying eyes...
Your shadow is following me, torturing me, like a skilled Persian executioner,
your shadow has eaten my heart out... What can change now? I’ve given up... I
cannot fight against a ghost! Have mercy... Torture my flesh, but don’t touch my
soul anymore!
I pray for you... Have mercy! Only you can help me... Like an inquisitor saving
a stray son of god... Wrap my neck in a metal collar and write only two words on
the heretic fork... It will plunge deep in my body, giving me its sweet pain,
which will cover the moaning suffering of my soul... And any word that I will
want to say will give me terrible sufferings. And only then will I be able to
choke in agony: “I give up!”
Copyright by Lady Mist (2002).