Claire

Dan had the best job in the world. He was a Transition Assistant. Ever since the Euthanasia laws were passed many persons had entered the trade. Responding to both the strain of the elderly and the infirm as well as the clinically depressed on the social services budget; as well as the ever growing need for replacement organs, voluntary euthanasia had become legal with few stipulations. If a voluntary transitioner (the legal term for someone opting for euthanasia) had viable transplantable organs their death had to be constituted in such a way as that any useful organs/tissues could be reused. If there were no viable organs or tissues either due to disease or age then death could come through whatever means the subject desired.

On this particular night Dan was in Claire’s home. Claire was scheduled to be a type A donor, which meant she would be conscious during her vivisection. It was Dan’s job to paralyze her and leave her without feeling below the neck. It was considered better this way that any pain relieving medications were administered at least twelve hours before the surgery so the recipients would not be affected.
Claire reached under her bed and produced a two foot holder and placed a cigarette in it. She motioned toward Dan seeking a light which he readily provided: “since when do you use a holder?” He asked.
“Since this is the last time I’ll have use of my hands”, Claire responded dryly. “I figured with the holder it would be a great deal easier on you as I can keep it in my mouth after you sever my spinal cord and only be reliant on you for a light, and not every drag.

Dan appreciated Claire’s logic, however twisted it may be. “Thanks for thinking of me” he said as he light her up.

Clair held the holder firmly in her teeth as Dan fucked her hard missionary. As her cigarette expired she said “Well Dan, that was great, but we can do that when I’m a quad. I want some doggie and on top action. Be a dear and get me another cigarette. Dan obliged removing the spent butt from her holder and replacing it with a fresh VS 120. “How the fuck did her lungs ever pass donor status?” he wondered, not realizing he had said it out loud.

“For your information Dan, only one of my lugs is to be transplanted . Yes, I’ve been a fairly heavy smoker for quite some years now and the determination has been made that my left lung is to be utilized as a temporary measure for one donor while my right lung I have requested be dissected in front of me. I’ve always been fascinated by what it might look like and, as a donor, they’re indulging my desires. But enough of that, I believe you were about to do me doggie style” Claire said as she thrust her ass toward him.

Claire let Dan fuck her doggie for close to an hour before she said, “Dear, you must be exhausted. Let me show you what this body can do before you transition it into nothingness.” With that Claire flung Dan over onto his back, ignited a new cigarette and placed herself on Dan’s throbbing cock. Claire fucked Dan as long and hard as she could, employing every measure of pleasure she knew until she finally felt him tense beneath her. The condom Dan was wearing denied her of the sensation of his cum shooting into her cunt, but still she knew the passion was there; much like her own passion would still be there soon when the feeling was gone.

“And now I’m ready for my massage,” Claire said as she removed herself from Dan’s spent dick and laid herself out on her abdomen on the bed.

Dan placed on his neoprene gloves and lathered the numbing solution and then he began to rub her neck. “Mmmm that feels so good” Claire stated. “too bad I won’t be able to feel it for long” she said almost as the sensation in her neck began to fade. Claire felt Dan begin to transition and knew he would be beginning her last massage an minute “Dan, light me another cigarette” she said, Dan complied inserting another cigarette in her holder, and placing it so that her mouth could reach the end as the butt resided in the ashtray knowing this might be the last cigarette she was to have while she had control of her faculties.

Dan began massaging Claire’s back as he waited for the numbing solution to take effect. “I think I’m a little tense” Claire stated as Dan began his rub down, and before he could reply she finished “Well, I guess those muscles won’t be tense for long, huh?”

“No, they certainly won’t be” Dan replied as he completed her workdown.

“It seems like such a waste of your time, working out knots that won’t exist soon” Claire stated as Dan continued his massage.

“Well, you’re right, this isn’t going to last long,” Dan said “But why shouldn’t you have every moment of enjoyment possible?”

Claire could not argue with this logic, it felt way too good.

Softly Dan slowed his rub. “Claire,” he said “I need to place some undergarments on you now.”

“Yeah, depends so when I shit myself it’s easier to clean up?”

“Well, to put ineloquently, yes. But almost everyone does it, so I wouldn’t be so concerned.”

“OK, go ahead”

Dan placed the undergarments on Claire and then reached for the Novocain syringe

“Um, I need another cigarette” Claire mentioned “I could get it myself, but I need to know you’ll be attentive when I can’t.”

Dan placed another of Claire’s cigarettes in her holder and gave her a light. “Thank you” she said, “Now let’s get this over with shall we?”

“Well, first I was going to give you some Novocain, and then finish your back rub while it set.”

“OK, I guess that’s acceptable” Claire sighed “How much longer ‘till this is over?” she began to think.

“Claire never felt the needle enter her neck. All she felt was Dan’s fingers working his way through knots she knew would soon not matter.”

Dan noticed her cigarette was almost finished. “Is there anything you’d like before we move on to the next phase?” He asked. “There’s still a few hours before we need to begin.”

Clara was torn, the moment was finally here, and Dan’s massage had really gotten her wet; but her last performance was well, her last she thought. She had thrown her all into that encounter and that’s what she wanted to remember, she didn’t want to muddle things with what she could produce at best a mediocre sequel. “Let’s just do it” she said. “I’ll let you get your dick wet again don’t worry. Just light me another cigarette, and make sure I don’t run out until we head in to the hospital since I’ll be depending on you to take care of my needs exclusively until then.”

“Of course,” Dan said. “You shouldn’t feel anything as I perform the procedure, the first and only sign you should have is when you lose all sensation and muscle control below your neck.”

“Ok, I’m ready,” Claire stated, unaware that Dan had already begun to insert the instrument between her 4th and 5th vertebrae. She watched her hand intently as she drew on her cigarette. She tapped he fingers one after another rhythmically on the bed sheet until suddenly they stopped moving. Everything below her neck stopped moving. She had lost awareness of her body, “how’d he do that so fast?” she thought.

Dan had felt Claire’s body go limp as he severed her spinal column. “Another perfect incision,” he thought to himself having done this hundreds of times before. “Claire, can you feel anything?” Dan asked as politely as he could.

“No,” Claire muttered. “I can’t feel or move anything. This is so surreal. You’ve explained everything so well but, I guess, until it happens, you really can’t understand what it’s really like.” Then, as the total gravity of her situation began to weigh upon her she asked sheepishly, “could you please roll me over? “

Claire was completely helpless. This was so different; yes surreal was a good description she thought. Dan was gentle as ever, but as her head flopped over as he turned her she looked at him and asked “Um, aren’t you supposed to stabilize the neck before you turn someone in my condition?”

Dan hid his bemusement with her question; she wasn’t the first that didn’t completely understand what had just happened to her. “Claire, they only stabilize a person when they’re trying to prevent a spinal injury. In your case, well, there is no reason to prevent anything as this was all part of the plan.”

That was good enough for Claire, Dan was right after all. “Dan, I need a cigarette, and this request, um, well, I definitely need you this time as I obviously can’t do it for myself.” Claire stared down at her body, her feet, legs, hands arms, they were still there, but they may as well have been somebody else’s, she could neither feel nor move anything. As Dan moved the ashtray within reach of the holder in her mouth and lit her up Clair noticed the change in the diaper Dan had placed on her and the odor that had begun to permeate the room. She could smoke through the long holder all she wanted, there was something definitely unsexy going on here. “Dan, I think I pissed and shit myself.”

Dan was as gentle and understanding as always. “Claire, everyone has that happen when I finish their transition, it’s expected. Once the spinal cord is severed all of your muscles relax, this includes the urethra and your anal sphincter. Your bladder and bowels naturally empty themselves at that point. I’ll get you cleaned up right away.”

Claire laid there helplessly as she watched Dan go to the bathroom and retrieved a towel, some wipes and a new diaper for her. She could do nothing but drag on her ever shrinking cigarette as she took in her current state. “How the fuck does anyone live like this?” She thought thinking of the right to lifers that would preserve life no matter the cost. “What the fuck are they thinking?” Sure she was kind of enjoying the whole thing, at least until she shit herself. And the foreplay was incredible, everything leading up to the moment of her paraplegia and even the moment of spinal severance itself was incredible; but real paraplegics don’t get that. It’s an accident, it happens quickly and then they wake up in the hospital being told some loved one is going to be wiping up their shit for the rest of their life. Why the fuck would anyone want to live beyond this? For years? Decades? Knowing how many people could benefit from the organs slowly wasting away in their useless bodies.

Dan was as polite as always as he explained what he must do next. “Claire, I’m going to deeply massage your abdomen to help force any remaining feces or urine out of your system before I change you. After that I need to place this towel beneath you before I remove your undergarment. That way if any feces escapes it won’t soil the bed sheets. I’ll need to remove the ashtray from the bed as well as it might spill as I need to pick up your legs and buttocks while I change you. I’ll use the wipes to clean off any remaining excrement before I place the new undergarment on you.”

Dan light Claire a new cigarette before he began. “Here, just try and relax, OK?” Claire watched in amazement as Dan firmly pressed down on her abdomen pushing down toward her pelvis, then up to her rib cage, then over to the side, and repeating over and over again. From the amount her belly was compressed she knew he was pushing quite hard. In fact it would probably be quite painful if not for the fact that she could feel nothing. It was as if she was looking at someone else. As she finished her cigarette Dan looked up at her and said “OK, that should take care of most everything. I’m going to prop up your legs now and slide the towel under you. I’ll need to move the ashtray first.” Dan extinguished Claire’s cigarette and placed the ashtray and holder on the nightstand. Then he carefully lifted her legs and slid the towel underneath her. Claire couldn’t help but let out a bemused little giggle. “What’s that for?” Dan asked.

“My legs, just flopping around there, I dunno, it’s kind of funny. I mean, they look dead, and I can’t feel or control anything, it’s just amusing I guess.”

Dan smiled, then played with her legs a bit jiggling them back and forth. Claire giggled again. “OK sweetie, let’s get you cleaned up” he said after a few moments. This was one part Claire was decidedly not looking forward to.

“Dan, I’m going to close my eyes if you don’t mind, I really don’t want to see this.”

“Of course” Dan replied.

“Umm, you’ll have to tell me when the messy part is over as I obviously will have no other way of knowing. Just, um, make sure you let me know before you put the other diaper on.”

Claire closed her eyes and envisioned what she wanted next. She hadn’t really discussed this with Dan before, and she wasn’t sure if he’d oblige or not. She was more than a bit nervous, and somewhat embarrassed by what she was about to ask. “Fuck it,” she thought, “I’m going to be dead in less than twenty four hours. What do I have to be embarrassed about?” “Dan?” Clara asked somewhat sheepishly.

“Yes Claire, almost done, I’ll keep you posted.”

“It’s not that Dan, I have a question to ask you. It’s a little personal.”

“Sure thing hon, what is it?”

“Well, this is probably the furthest thing from your mind right now as your wiping up my shit, but, well, have you ever fucked anyone after you’ve transitioned them?”

“Yes, quite frequently in fact. Would you like me to make love to you after I’m done here?”

“Yes,” Clare replied, “I’ve been wondering for quite some time what it would be like, well to watch you fuck my limp body, not being able to feel anything, well, it kind of turns me on I must say.”

“Your wish is my command then Claire. You can open your eyes, you’re all cleaned up.” Claire opened her eyes and gazed down upon her now completely naked body. She could see her well trimmed bush, glistening from the wipe it just got. “This is definitely fucking weird.” Dan returned with a condom and a tube of Vagisil. “What’s that for? I’ve never had a problem getting wet.”

“You never were a quadriplegic either Claire. Your brain can’t tell your vagina to get wet anymore, I’m afraid this will have to do. Sorry if that news bothers you. I probably should have explained, most women forget about this little fact.”

Dan began feeling all around Claire’s body, gently stroking her breasts and suckling on her nipples. He applied some of the lubricant to his fingers and thrust them in her vagina. “Damn I wish I could feel this” Claire thought, “maybe I should have had him fuck me before he did my neck.” “Dan sweetie, kiss me.” Dan kissed Claire deeply and passionately. Then moved from her lips to her neck, suckling gently right above the point where she could still feel before moving to her earlobes. Claire actually felt as though she was having an orgasm of sorts. It was so fucking good. He was doing everything, she couldn’t even embrace him if she wanted to; it was like some form of odd bondage with a twist. “Fuck me Dan, fuck me now!” she cried.

Dan placed the condom on his rock hard cock and covered it with a generous amount of lubricant. He then positioned himself above her and thrust himself deep inside. Dan made passionate love to her unfeeling body for a good half hour. He was attentive to Claire’s face and neck the whole time, very cognizant of the fact that she could feel nothing else. Finally he heaved up and she could tell he had just blown his load. He then leaned down and kissed her gently “was it what you expected?”

“No, I mean, I had no idea what to expect. It was definitely different, that much I can say. You seemed to be enjoying yourself though. I could definitely tell you’ve been around more than a few limp bodies in the past.”

“Well, yes, I’ve told you, many of the donors want the experience, they’re all curious just like you were.”

“You really like it don’t you? I mean, you definitely seemed into it.”

“I’ll confess that yes, it is one of my favorite parts of the job.”

“What about the type B donors, and the non-donors?” Claire asked. “Do you ever fuck any of them after they’ve been transitioned?”

“Yes, I do. Does that bother you?”

“I never thought I’d be spending my last night discussing necrophilia” Claire said. “Tell me, what’s it like for you? What’s it like with a brain dead woman, or a corpse, or even a type A like myself? Which do you prefer if you have a choice?”

“Well Claire, they’re all different and special in their own way,” Dan said as he lit another cigarette for Claire. Dan had been over this many times before. Every donor thought they were asking these questions for the first time. Each one letting their inhibitions down; forgetting everyone else did the same. “I do want to point out, everything I do is consensual, with type A like yourself, you can speak for yourself, but with the others I make sure I have consent before I transition them.”

“And they ask you to fuck their comatose or dead bodies? What’s the pleasure in that?”

“Some ask, with others I ask their permission, not to get too involved, well, I have tactful ways of addressing the issue.”

“Like?” Claire was amused. She had asked to be fucked as a quad. She experienced it. Why would anyone want to be fucked brain dead, or completely dead for that matter? And what could he ever say to broach the topic.

“Well Claire, as with you, I form a bond with all of my clients. I feel it important that they have a close and trusting relationship with me, as I am the last person most of them are with.”

“Them,” Claire thought, well I guess I’m one of “them”. “I guess I hadn’t thought of it, well I had liked how special he made me feel, and well, I knew life had to go on for him, but well, is this some kind of formula?” Claire began to regret her line of questioning.

Dan could see that Clair was beginning to doubt his sincerity, looking at him like some form of player or something. “Claire, I want to be clear, the bond I form with my clients goes both ways. This is not simply a job for me. I genuinely do care for each of my clients. I do form a real relationship with them, and have real feelings for them. My feelings for you run very deep. However, our relationship is based upon your death. Each woman I get involved with has come to me to die, you included. Given that I know my time with each woman is to be very short, my job is first and foremost about making each of your last days as perfect as possible.”

Claire thought on this. Yes, Dan had been great this last month since he had first been assigned as her transitions specialist. They had gone on many dates, and had a great time together, and well, she had known it was his job, and he had even transitioned two other women since they had met, but, well, she wondered about the others. In these last weeks were there new women in his life? Who was he with tomorrow? What were his next plans? Was there a real love in his life? Claire began to sob.

“Claire, I’m sorry; you asked, I’m just being honest, please believe I care very much for you, and, believe it or not, knowing our time is short is almost as hard for me as I know it is for you, maybe harder, for I carry the weight of a hundred loves lost, tomorrow this won’t matter for you, but I’ll remember tonight for the rest of my life.”

“Come on Dan, you tell that to all the girls, don’t you?” Claire was genuinely getting upset.

“Claire, honesty is one of my faults, yes I do tell that to all the girls. But it’s not a line. I really do remember each and every one. It’s my job that makes me do what I do, but it’s my heart that makes me good at it. The thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that each of you comes to me willingly, each of you would be here whether I was or not. Claire, I did not seek you out, you sought me out.”

Dan was right. Claire was here because she wanted to be. She walked into the center on her own, alone, having made her own decisions. She never would have met Dan had she not, nor would he have met her. Still, she wanted to be special. She wanted to know if there was someone more special, someone that would live his life with him. “Dan, do you have anyone real in your life? Anyone that’s not a donor? Anyone you go home to at night?”

“No Claire, my work is my life. There’s no one else; just my clients. I give my whole heart and soul to this. There’s nothing left for anyone else. Truly, it would be unfair to you and my other clients to do so.”

This made Claire feel better. “Dan, I need another cigarette. And maybe a neck rub. The Novocain is wearing off, and I’m feeling a bit stiff there.”

Dan got Claire a fresh cigarette and began massaging her neck. He reached in and gently kissed her throat and sucked on her earlobes until she “came” again. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Sure,” Claire thought, “He never really answered my questions, but who really cares? In a few hours nothing I know will ever matter again.” Then for the next few hours they lay in silence. Dan massaging her vertebra near the incision for comfort and getting Claire cigarettes as she chain smoked away.

Dan watched as Claire’s breathing slowed and her eyes finally shut. She was asleep. He crushed out her last cigarette and placed the ashtray and holder on the night stand then curled up next to her, making sure his hand lie against her face, so she could feel his presence and slid off into sleep himself.

Claire awake and, as always, before she even opened her eyes, reached for her cigarettes. Then, realizing she couldn’t move awoke fully with a start and screamed. Dan quickly ran to her side “Claire, are you OK?” he asked.

Claire came to full consciousness and remembered where she was, and what had happened. “Yes, Dan, I’m sorry, I guess I fell asleep, and well, I went to move, and well, I got surprised is all.” Dan lit a fresh cigarette and placed her holder in her mouth. Claire inhaled deeply, the nicotine working its magic on her mind. Then she noticed the sun streaming through her window. “Dan! What time is it! How long did you let me sleep!?”

“Claire, it’s 9:00AM, don’t be upset, you needed some sleep.”

“9:00AM! Dan in a few hours I’ll be sleeping FOREVER! Why the hell did you do this to me?!”

“Claire, honey, what would you rather have done? We had a great night, and now it’s time for a great day. Would you rather have slept through this? Or been too exhausted to really experience it?”

Dan was of course right as always. Damn she hated him for that. They’d been lying there for hours, speechless. What should she have done? Watched cable all night? Sure, that had been her last night. But it was just her mind, wanting for every last moment of life. Denial it’s called. Maybe if she had stayed up something special, earthshaking would have happened, it was her last night after all, surely Jesus would have descended from heaven or what not. Yes, she was rested, she was ready to face the day, all would be well, she was ready.

“Claire, you can have clear fluids only, I made you some tea if you would like.”

“Thank you Dan. Can you help me with it?” Claire said, now committed to her state. This was it, her last day. She was a quadriplegic, and had already witnessed her last sunset. This was her day.

“Of course darling,” Dan said. “Let me prop you up.” Dan gently lifted Claire’s body and slipped pillow behind her back and the headboard until she was in a sitting position. He then removed the cigarette holder from her mouth and brought the tea cup up slowly letting her drink from it.

“Thank you Dan,” Claire said, “for everything.”

“It’s my pleasure”

“I know” Claire was remembering their dialogue from the preceding night and wanted to let him know all was well. After all, she didn’t need to live any longer with what was said, but Dan did, and Claire wanted him to know all was well with them.

For the next half hour Dan attended to Claire’s tea and cigarettes until her tea was gone. Dan said not a word as Claire finished the last sip of her tea. Claire knew he wouldn’t. The next steps were all hers. The law allowed her to back out at any time. Claire glanced at the clock, and at the wheelchair Dan had already positioned near the bed while she slept. “Dan darling, time to take me to the hospital,” she said.

Dan gently lifted her lifeless body from the bed into the awaiting wheel chair. Clair looked on fascinated as her arms flopped down to the side and her legs landed off the footrests and onto the floor. Claire wanted to giggle, but she held it in, this really wasn’t the time; that was what last night was for. Clair watched helpless as Dan placed the strap around her chest that would hold her torso upright. He then positioned each arm on the armrest and strapped them to it. Finally he placed her feet on the foot rests and strapped her legs to the frame. He then placed her ashtray on her lap, a fresh cigarette in her holder, lit it, and then pushed her out of her apartment for the last time. Down on the street Claire saw the van that would deliver her to the hospital. Parked there in the coveted handicapped space it sat, it was a pure white van, with windows all around, but no other markings save for the handicapped plates. As Dan lowered the ramp to allow her ingress she queried; “no markings? Shouldn’t it say “Department of Transitional Assistance” or something on it?”

“That’s to keep the God freaks away. We advertise what we’re doing Claire and they’d be a procession of loons all up and down the street. Sadly we need to keep discreet here; not everyone sees the nobility in what you’re doing today.”

Claire understood. She knew about the protests; those poor unfortunate souls still clinging to their dictatorial religious pasts. Fortunately she would no longer have to share the planet with their pathetic ilk.

Dan loaded her wheel chair into the van. “Dan, will there be any protesters at the hospital?”

“Most likely, there always are. However, we have a special entrance at the back they’re not allowed to go near. You won’t be troubled.” Dan said as he locked her chair in place and lit another of Claire’s VS 120’s for her, helping her position the holder above her ashtray.

The ride to the hospital took only a few short minutes. Claire spent the time smoking and contemplating what was next. With each passing mile things got more and more real to her. By law she could back out any time before surgery commenced, she was beginning to wonder, was she ready to die? Today? Claire stared down at her lifeless body. “You’re a little too late for these thoughts” she thought. “Maybe you should have thought about this last night. You’re a complete invalid now, who’s going to take care of you?” As far as modern science had progressed, the spinal column was still far too complex to be repaired. Claire began to weep softly. “Keep it together Clair, you knew what you did when you signed up for this. They gave you psychiatric training, these are just the stages of grief, welcome to denial. You’re not gonna live long enough to see the rest of them. Please don’t live long enough to see the rest of them. You want some hospice nurse cleaning your shit for the rest of your miserable life? You may as well be dead, you can barely eat or even breathe on your own, you’ll be pissing in a catheter and shitting into a bag; not to mention they’ll never let you smoke again. What fucking pleasure will you have?” Yes, Claire had entered bargaining of sorts, only bargaining to end her life, not preserve it. The van jerked to a halt, they had arrived.

Claire waited patiently as Dan exited the van and moved over to the side door. He had parked so that Claire had a full look at the front of the hospital. Yes, there were Christian protesters out front just as Dan had told her. She couldn’t hear their chants very well, but one had a large sign “God decides when you die!” Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. Claire was very thankful for the back door at this point.

Dan opened the door and stepped inside. “We’re here Claire, anything else before we go in?”

“Yeah, I think I need a minute, and a cigarette.” Dan proffered another cigarette for Claire. She inhaled deeply, yet leisurely. She reflected on everything she knew was about to happen. After getting in the elevator she’d ride to the third floor, the transition ward. Her recipients would all be there, a dozen in all. She’d be greeted by each of them and thanked for her sacrifice. One last precaution to keep her from bailing, seeing the faces of each person she’d be helping. Then she’d be wheeled to her operating room for final transitioning. This had all been explained to her several times over the last month, but now, well, it was here. If she had any control over her stomach, or anything in it for that matter, she’d probably puke. As it was she took one last deep draw on her cigarette, looked up at Dan and said “Let’s go”.

Dan replaced her spent butt with a fresh cigarette. “One for the road” he chuckled, Clare chuckled along with him. Then he wheeled her out of the van and up the walkway to the rear entrance. Claire watched in silence as Dan entered his alarm code and opened the door. He moved toward Claire, as she took a last deep drag from her cigarette and spit the holder from her mouth. She exhaled for the last time, smiled at Dan and said “well, I guess I’ve quit smoking.” Dan just smiled at her and taking his place behind her chair, wheeled her in.

The elevator doors opened and Clair was greeted by the expected throng. Front and center were the dozen recipients surrounded by their loved ones, and a plethora of medical staff behind her. “Who gets to kill me?” She thought cynically as she perused the green scrubs of the medical staff before making eye contact with those that would reap the rewards of her death. She turned to her left and her gaze me Lauren. In a wheelchair like herself, only Lauren lacked legs, for now, lost in a car accident, Lauren would soon be walking on the legs Claire could no longer control. Lauren’s husband and three children stood behind her. “Thank you so much Claire, you have no idea what your sacrifice means to my family.”

Claire began to well up; “I do” was all she could muster as she glanced across the rest of the crowd. She knew their names, faces, they had spoken before, but she couldn’t speak now, not to them; all she could see was organs and tissues where the people should be. This moment was for her, now, they would be alive tomorrow, and better off for knowing her, but she would be gone. It was all too much. Claire picked a pint on the ceiling and spoke. “I’m sorry; I really can’t speak to you all now. I wish you all the best with the gifts I am about to bestow upon you. I wish I could say more, but really I can’t, I’ve made my peace and now it’s time for me to honor my commitments to you all. I really do wish you all well and may all of you be well tomorrow.” Dan caught the hint and wheeled her through the crowd to her preparation room.

The aids were waiting for her in the preparation room. Quickly they introduced themselves and got to work. She was transferred to a gurney then one aide cut her hair while the others washed, shaved and sanitized her body. Then they shaved the remaining hair from her head and sanitized her head face and neck. Finally, she was ready for surgery. A nurse walked to the head of her gurney and pushed her from the prep room into the operating room as Dan walked by her side, now dressed in scrubs with a surgical mask hiding his face.

The gurney stopped and Dr. Rosen approached her. “Hi Claire, we are ready to begin. First, please look up at the mirrors and make sure you have a full field of view. I want to make sure everything is as you’ve requested. Claire looked toward the myriad of mirrors laid out above her body. Yes, she could see everything very clearly.

“Thank you Dr. Rosen, everything is perfect.”

“You’re welcome Clare. Now, before we begin, per law, I need your verbal confirmation that we are authorized to proceed. I must also inform you that once you give your authorization at this point it cannot be rescinded as once we begin your death will be imminent and any stoppage in the procedure will merely result in the loss of tissue with no meaningful extension in your life. Attorney Johnson is here as witness to your response. Do you understand everything I have told you?”

“Yes”

“Have you come here of your own free will to become a donor individual?”

“Yes”

“Do we now have your authorization to proceed with the vivisection?”

There it was, the question that would seal her fate. One more word and Claire would officially be a donor, her body property of her named recipients. Fear like she had never known gripped her mind. All she had to say was yes and she would die. She paused a moment. She looked up at Dan, Dr. Rosen, and Attorney Johnson. She knew the recipients were being prepared. Some may even already be under general anesthesia. Claire turned her gaze to the gallery above the operating room. To her left were the surgical interns looking in to learn from this procedure. Next were the guest boxes where she recognized several family members of her recipients staring in anticipation. “Like vultures” she thought, but she forgave them. Their loved ones needed what she had to give. Who could really blame them. Lastly she looked to her right. There she knew would be the future donors. Those that were making the decision to follow her. There were only two girls there today. They looked so young, though both were most likely her own age or older. But, well, she felt older today, as it were she was about to die, how much older can you get than that? She thought back to her own introduction. How she sat with many other women and watched the spectacle that she herself was putting on today. She remembered a few left before the first incision was even made, one puked as they witnessed the first cut. Two more left as the abdomen was emptied, and another fainted as the heart stopped. All in all of a dozen women only two had stood transfixed at the proceedings, though ultimately the girl who fainted and one who had left during the abdominal clearing had opted to become donors as well, al be it type B donors. She and Eileen were the only ones that chose type A. And of them all Claire was the only one left with brain activity. Eileen was transitioned a week ago, and the fainter three days ago. The remaining girl’s body was still alive, but she choose to terminate brain function rather quickly and was now lying brain dead somewhere in this very hospital as the administration assembled her recipients. Claire had stood by as the two before her had been transitioned.

“Claire.” Dr. Rosen’s voice brought her back to the here and now.

Claire looked up at the girls in the gallery and smiled at them. She had to do this now, for them, no need to scare them off or anything. “Certainly Doctor Rosen, please proceed.”

“Let the record show the patient has given consent to the procedure, Attorney Johnson, please witness the consent.”

“Witnessed and recorded Doctor, you may proceed.” With that Attorney Johnson turned and left the operating room.

“OK, now Claire, as we discussed we are going to open your abdomen and remove those organs first.”

Claire nodded her head; it was really here, the first actual incision that would send her on her way to her final rest.

Claire stared intently in the mirrors above the operating table as Dr. Rosen inserted the scalpel deeply into her abdomen about an inch below her diaphragm then drew it down to her pubic bone. Blood began to trickle out from the incision. It always amazed Claire how little blood these cuts actually produced however. Dr. Rosen then made two more horizontal incisions, one at the top of the first incision and one at the bottom. Attendants on either side then pulled the resultant flaps of skin, fat and muscle back to expose her internal organs and affixed a clamp to each one to hold it in place out of the way. Dr. Rosen began to remove the intestines, carefully cutting away the connective tissue and tying off the veins and arteries. Claire began to feel woozy. Maybe going Type A wasn’t such a good idea. It was one thing to watch someone else get taken apart, it was quite another to watch it happen to yourself. Still, she was fascinated. “Those are MY organs,” she thought, “and soon they are going to be part of someone else.” Yes, she had made the right decision. An attendant was lifting her liver out slightly so that Dr. Rosen could work beneath it. Claire couldn’t quite see what he was doing and she strained a bit to get a better look. Dr. Rosen called for a pan and a large stainless steel pan was placed on the operating table beside Claire. Suddenly Dr. Rosen pulled out her entire intestinal tract and stomach as one unit and placed it in the pan beside her. The lower end of the intestines was still connected to her Anus, Claire giggled a bit at the sight; it was like a huge snake working its way into her belly. Another Doctor moved in and cut the remaining intestine from her colon and placed it in the pan as well; an attendant rushed the organs out of the operating room into the processing center where they’d be weighted and examined before being installed in their new home. “How are you doing Claire,” Dan asked.

“I’m fine, it never ceases to amaze me how much intestine is actually crammed in there.” Claire didn’t look up at Dan, she was transfixed at the work going on inside her body.

“About thirty feet in a typical person,” Dan was saying.

Claire had moved on. They were tying off her liver next. Stomach and intestines you can live without, not well, but you can live. No liver is a different story. Claire bit her lip as the last of the connecting tissue was severed and her liver was removed and placed in another awaiting pan to be carried away to its new home. “That’s it, no turning back now, I’m as good as dead.” It was odd but as she processed this information, she actually relaxed. Any hint of tension she had been feeling melted away. “Acceptance,” she thought. And it was true, there truly was no turning back now. No reason to be concerned or tense any longer. From here on in she could do nothing but watch the show. As the hours ticked by Claire watched in awe as her kidney, spleen, pancreas, bladder and everything else were removed. She felt a little sad as they took her ovaries and uterus, all the way down to the end of her vagina. She wanted someone to move a leg so she could see out through her cunnie from the inside. “Way to inappropriate to ask that though,” she thought, she’d just have to be patient and wait until they removed her lower half. As the last of her vital organs was removed from her abdomen the staff all paused for a momentary break, while they prepared to switch from organ gathering to removing her pelvis. Claire finally had a completely unobstructed view of her now utterly empty abdominal cavity. She could see her aorta pumping blood, her diaphragm moving in and out, all the way down her spine and into her pelvis. Words couldn’t describe the feelings she was having.

“Claire, how are we doing?” Dr. Rosen asked.

“Great actually, this whole experience, well, it’s incredible really.” Claire glanced up at the gallery and gave a smile to the girls watching what might become of them soon should they choose. Claire wanted to be sure they choose the right path.

“OK Claire, we’re going to remove the pelvis and legs now.”

“Thank you Doctor,” “Thank you?” she thought, “for what? Letting her know?” Whatever, it didn’t really matter, who knows what she was supposed to say.

A new team of doctors quickly clamped off her aorta and vena cava a few inches below her diaphragm and then severed the lower end a bit below the clamp. Claire saw her aorta begin to bulge against the clamp straining to move its blood through. The surgeons then began cutting her from the inside, continuing the lower incision around to her spine. The paused here, clamping more blood vessels and then, finally, they proceeded to use a bone saw to cut through her vertebra. Once they were done, two attendants gently picked up her entire lower half and placed it on a gurney that was aligned beneath the operating table to be wheeled off to their new owner. Clare was rewarded as they moved her legs, they spread just enough that she managed to see daylight through her vagina from the inside. She smiled to herself, “damn I’m going to miss that…but not for long I guess.” She looked up at Dan, still smiling, “I guess I’m just half the woman I used to be, huh?” Dan simply smiled back at her, and placed his hand on her forehead.

“You’re really doing terrific Claire,” he said.

Claire just stared at herself in the mirrors. She really couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her whole lower half, and all of her abdominal muscles were gone, yet she was still very much alive and conscious. It was a lot for a brain to process.

“Clare, we’re ready to move on to the thorax,” Dr. Rosen said.

“Yes Dr. I understand.” Claire replied. She knew what that meant: opening her chest, removing her lungs and stopping her heart. She was already as good as dead. She certainly couldn’t live very long in this current state. But there’s still a large difference in being as good as dead and being actually dead. Still there was one last huge treat waiting for her in there; a good look at her very own lungs.

Dr. Rosen had already made an incision along her sternum and was now cutting through the bone to allow the final access he’d need to terminate Claire’s existence. Dr. Rosen was working a rib spreader to gain proper access to her chest, and once he was satisfied with its positioning turned to grab a clamp to tie off her lung. At this moment Claire got her first look inside her own chest. The first thing she saw was her right lung, rising and falling, it was grayish in color, definitely a smokers, not like the pink healthy lungs she had seen come from some of the other donors. Then her gaze moved to her beating heart lying over her left lung. It was incredible. That organ was pumping merrily away, without a care that it would soon reside in someone else’s chest. Claire hoped it would continue to beat there for a long long time to come.

Dr. Rosen clamped off her left brachial arch just above her left lung. Claire immediately felt it much harder to breathe. “Are you in distress Claire?” Dan asked compassionately.

Claire knew what he was asking. If she couldn’t breathe she would be intubated. That meant she wouldn’t be able to talk. It was quite difficult to breath, but she wasn’t feeling faint, yet. “I’m fine, thank you,” she replied.

Dr. Rosen made quick work of the veins and arteries and connective tissue holding her lung to her body, very shortly it was out. “Now Claire, it’s time to honor your request,” he said as he took a large knife and proceeded to cut her lung in half. She had seen smoker’s lungs before. Hell, the government did everything to make sure everyone knew what they looked like. But, well, she’d never seen one so fresh, still so moist and warm. As he peeled it open she could see the swollen alveoli, and the beginnings of emphysema corroding the top edge. Humorously a small amount of smoke that had been trapped in her plural sack escaped and whipped fleetingly away. That made her feel good in some odd way. Well, she had proven the government wrong, smoking certainly wasn’t to be the cause of her death. “Are you satisfied with what you’ve seen?” Dr. Rosen asked.

Claire’s eyes welled up with tears. She knew what was next. Her next few words would be her last. She was about to die. “Yes, thank you Dr. Rosen.”

Doctor Rosen placed the lung in a nearby surgical pan that an attendant whisked away and nodded to the anesthesiologist.

“Claire, I’m going to insert this syringe into your superior vena cava. You’re heart will stop within seconds and we will then pronounce you dead. Is there anything you’d like to say before we proceed?”

Claire worked to gain her composure. She wasn’t really crying hard, but she didn’t want to sound too scared as she spoke her final words. She glanced from the mirror reflecting the gaping hole in her chest where her lung used to be. She had been fascinated looking down into her rib cage. It was such a beautiful sight. The clock read 6:15PM. “When would they pronounce?” she wondered. “Would she live to see 6:17?” She thought back to the previous night. Dan had begun her transition at 8:30. Her gaze came back to her thoroughly ravaged body. In less than twenty hours she had gone from being a young vibrant woman, to becoming a quadriplegic, and now she was about to become a corpse. “Thank you all,” she began finally finding her voice, “this has been a most terrific experience, and you have all made my last hours better than I ever could have imagined.” She turned to the girls in the gallery. They were transfixed, hanging on her every word, holding each other’s hands tightly. “Girls, a month ago, I sat where you are today, and I made a decision that brought me to this point. I can tell you honestly, I have not regretted that decision for one moment. Truly it was the best decision I ever made.” Claire brought her gaze back to the mirror, back to her heart, she didn’t want to miss the big finale. “And now, I must bid you all goodbye. Thank you all again. Doctor, you may proceed.” Claire found it odd that she didn’t actually know the name of the man that was about to kill her. Oh well, she thought, it really doesn’t matter, I’ve said my last, no reason to speak again now. The anesthesiologist inserted the needle in her vein and emptied the contents of the syringe into her. Almost immediately Claire noticed her heart rate slowing drastically. It beat a few more times, then paused for a moment, then beat twice more. The slowed blood flow was already having its effect. Claire felt a peace and a sort of weightlessness wash over her as though she were beginning to float. Her vision had begun to become hazy as she saw her heart give one last weak beat, and then lie still.

Claire’s world faded to black as she heard Dr. Rosen speak at last, “time of death, 6:17PM.” That was it:
She was officially dead.

Dan watched as a smile crept across Claire’s face as the light faded from her eyes. “She died happy,” he thought. He had done his job well. They all had.

Tracy and Victoria sat in silence as they watched the surgeons finish dissecting Clair’s corpse, gathering the rest of her body parts and tissues for each of their respective recipients. Within forty five minutes they were done. Clare had been completely reduced to her component parts. All that remained to show she had been there was what blood had spilled on the operating table during the surgery, and even most of her blood had been siphoned off to use for her recipients. Claire had been fully transitioned. Finally Victoria turned to Tracy, “Still want to go through with this?” she asked. Tracy responded by giving her a deep passionate kiss.

“Are you kidding me?” Tracy said, “I can’t wait to see what my organs look like, the whole time we’ve been sitting here, I’ve just been completely envious of her. And you?”

“It was a definite experience, but I’m still opting to be a type B donor. I’m not so sure I could keep it together like she did, or like I know you will.” She smiled at Tracy and gave her another kiss. “The lawyer is waiting for us in the hallway. Let’s go tell him the good news.”

Copyright by M (2008).

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